In January of this year, my friends gifted me a Year Ahead Tarot reading - one card for the year (Devil 😅) and one card for each month.

January through May were SPOT ON, wildly accurate, and kind of creepy.

So with June being “Death Card Reversed”, I wasn’t looking forward to learning what had to die.

Because despite the amount of mushrooms I’ve stuffed down my gullet, I still have the tendency to resistttt and controllll.

Something needs to die? Absolutely not.

Avoid discomfort at all costs.

This is my entire M.O.

Because what if the discomfort is foreverrrrr 😩

But since I could see it coming, and believed it was only for a month, I was able to prepare my nervous system (atleast, as best I could before June bitch slapped me silly).

My Tarot reader told me June would be “pomegranates and sunsets and last moments”.

Not “hellfire and torment and agony”.

So I loosened my grip a bit.

And then my best friend in the entire thread of all lifetimes (who lived with me) told me she was unexpectedly moving 4+ hours away. And her new lease started on June 1st.

By June 2, I was crashing out so hard that I called her and her partner in a fit of despair, desperation, and pain.

I was about to be late on rent, with no levers to pull (I thought).

Earlier that day, I had begged God to secure me for 30 days. Just 30 measly days to help me stabilize this new coaching business.

I sobbed to my friends from the depths of my heart, “I just want to be taken care of for onceeeeee”. (The single mom martyr schick lives on over here).

My friend’s partner said “Brit, you’ve been such a villager and support - I’d like to help you with rent this month.”

And in that moment, I found myself staring into the face of the belief that I’m so deeply unworthy of love and care unless I’m suffering for it.

My friends stayed on the phone while I wailed. I had to let myself feel the full weight of finding out a big part of me felt absolutely worthless.

I let it rip until there was nothing left.

A whole new world

By June 3, I felt like I had adopted an entirely new outlook on life.

And it dawned on me, June was absolutely death, but not in the way I anticipated.

It was the death of this version of me. The Brit who secretly hated parts of herself. The Brit who suffered and survived and subconsciously loved her victimhood.

And instead of suffering through the death of me, I decided to send her off with joy in my heart.

I spent the month of June treating Scared Brit like a dog that was about to be put down.

I didn’t yell at her. Or judge her. I patted her head and fed her ice cream and thanked her for everything she brought to my life.

And by July, I emerged as a different being.

Friends have commented on my presence and energy. Clients are having miraculous breakthroughs. My kids and I have never been closer.

I’m showing up differently, because I’m not leaking energy into a bottomless pit of “I’ll never make it”.

Instead, I’ve gone all in on my coaching practice. I’ve gotten my first two 1:1 belief work clients. I’m posting 1-3 times a day. I have 30-40 DM conversations on Instagram every week. My friends keep giving me money because I’m such a valued human in their lives. My mom and I are closer than ever. I’ve taken 6 mini roadtrips in 5 weeks visiting friends (for free). The list goes on and on and on.

July has been 9 of cups - rest because I’ve afforded the ability to do so.

I thought this meant I was going to make it big $$$ in July.

But in the spirit of transparency, I’m not raking in the cash. It’s not rest because I’ve earned millions. It’s rest because I’ve built a village, and I’ve earned the right to be cared for.

And because Victim Brit has been put to rest, we now have Believer Brit calling the shots.

And she’s ECSTATIC about life and what’s in store.

She’s looking at everything with fresh eyes and a grateful heart. And the goodness just keeps pouring in.

A new modality emerging

What I’m describing is Belief Alchemy - recognizing internal beliefs and rewiring them so you move differently through the world.

I’ve done this for myself for 7+ years. And now, this is what my clients are coming to me for 🥹🙏.

I’ve figured out how to completely reprogram limiting beliefs through journaling & theta healing meditations.

It’s truly changed the game for me, and is what I attribute my entire life to.

I couldn’t have gone from being a poor, single mom of two just scraping by for years to a grounded and spiritually gifted woman in such a short amount of time.

And I believe this feeling is possible for everyone. The more I work with people, the more I see them making major changes in their lives, almost overnight.

One of my clients (who is only halfway through our 6 weeks of time together) has gone from a burnt out ex-nurse struggling to launch her business while raising her kids to a slow and present mom whose kids are claiming multiple days in a row are their “best days ever”.

This work is easier than you think when you have an attuned guide to gently lead you through your own limiting beliefs.

If you’d like to get some support from me, feel free to book a complimentary Pick My Brain session. I don’t pitch on the call, but if we feel like a match and you’d like info about working with me, I’ll send it after the call.

👉🏻 Book a Pick My Brain

If you knew that a version of you was being put to sleep at the end of July, what part would it be? And how would you say goodbye?

I’ve had no choice but to be a rebel. No fightin’ chance to be anything other than a pioneer in the art of living differently (i.e. authentically).

(I’ll spare you all the astrological evidence and human design touchpoints that validate my existence, but for those who get it - I’m a ⅗ splenic projector and 7 placement Cap in my first house, aka I was never ever gonna do it anyone else’s way).

Growing up as an only child of a single mom in a smallish Christian town, I learned the terms “bastard” and “wedlock” pretty early in life.

The Scarlet A

I learned the phrase “daddy issues” not long after that.

I had a lot of labels put on me, and not a lot of damning evidence to say otherwise, so I subconsciously became who they told me I was.

2.5 minutes after graduating from high school, I was holding a stick with a bright pink plus sign, realizing they were right all along.

Becoming a mother at 19 fundamentally changed me as a human, and pivoted my life trajectory aggressively, thank you God!

Then I saw your face

I think I shocked everyone by becoming a phenomenal mom. It wasn’t that I was a bad person as a teen, it was just that I was, in fact, a teenager. I was selfish and wild and rebellious and couldn’t be told nuthin’.

Then I saw my son’s face for the first time, and that was that.

SUBSTACK LINK

Value-less Feminine Gifts

I have no notes for 19 year old Brit’s mothering decisions. They are the same decisions I would make today as a 35 year old. And she did it all through intuition only while living hours away from her family and support system.

(Pauses typing to sob aggressively for this version of me and to send her so much GD love).

Not a lot of people complimented my parenting skills.

Because I was so young, I got labeled as a teen mom and someone who threw her life away.

Since I studied vaccines and asked questions, I got labeled as alternative or crunchy.

I never put my baby down, so I got labeled as a helicopter parent.

Instead of being revered for my natural gifts of nurturing and putting my baby first, I was labeled a college dropout, a statistic, a failure.

Not many people were really seeing me for who I was. Despite being a fantastic and engaged mom (my kid knew his numbers, colors, shapes, ABCs and was potty trained before his second bday), I felt pretty useless.

Everyone was mega super amazed at my then-husband’s successful career, but because I “didn’t make any money”, my own abilities to make a house into a home, find new communities every time we moved to a new state, and care deeply for my family was unnoticed and unappreciated.

So I became obsessed with having a career.

Faked It Til I Maked It

By 23, I landed my first job (the “how I did this” deets are coming in my next post).

Then, I landed my second job.

Before I knew it, I was getting divorced and starting my entire life over.

I launched a business - a small marketing agency.

Then a second (while still running the first) - a photography & event studio.

And by 28, I was being recruited for my first full time job - a marketing leader for a small SaaS company.

By 30, I broke into the teeny tiny psychedelic industry as a clinical recruiter 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

By 32, I cleared 6-figures.

And by 33, I walked away from it all to start over once again.

At 35, I technically run three companies as a single mom.

I’m a freelance community director for two clients.

I’m the owner & community director of a psychedelic facilitator community.

And I’m currently soft launching my coaching practice so I can help women do what I’ve done - whatever we fucking want.

I’ve had a million reasons to throw in the towel and give up on the audacious life I want - to live slowly and communally with the people I’ve chosen as family.

But instead, I’ve doubled down on this path, taking HUGE cliff jumps along the way, and my nervous system is finally fortified enough to tell the tales from the ascent, not just the summit.

And I gotta tell ya, one of the biggest non-negotiables I have along this path is that I refuse to suffer.

That doesn’t mean I’m not willing to sacrifice. I’m happy to trade temporary discomforts for long-term successes.

But I’m no longer capable of deep suffering and self-abandonment any longer.

I believe that’s one of the codes I carry in this lifetime - the ability to alchemize suffering into softness and self-trust.

I’m a walking permission slip to trust your intuition.

Because that’s what this journey is all about. Coming back to self, again and again and again.

And realizing there’s nothing else but you in there.

This message feels especially potent and important to mothers.

And any woman who has been programmed to believe she is the one who must suffer for her success. That her own needs and well-being is the sacrifice she must lay on the altar of life.

I’m here to say - there is another way.

I’ve glimpsed it. I’ve sacrificed for it. And I’m living it.

I’m committed to it AT ALL COSTS, because no one is coming to save me.

I don’t get to soften “once I find a man”, or once I “start making millions”.

The softness starts now, and it’s the channel my softest life ever will come through.

And I’m convinced you can live this soft life, too.

Regardless of circumstances. Regardless of money in the bank. Regardless of your relationship status. Regardless of how many kids you have.

If you’re picking up what I’m putting down, I’d love to chat.

I offer complimentary 30-min Pick My Brain sessions, where you can ask me anything. This isn’t a sales call, just an opportunity for you to get some support with your current situation, project, idea, or obstacle.

You can book with me here.

The world’s definition of ‘success’? It looked a lot like following rules such as:

• A 6-figure salary is the baseline for a successful career

• A title is something to chase

• The 9-5 is the only way to generate consistency and safety

• If you want to be respected, you better get ready to hustle

As a single mom, I felt like I had no choice but to hustle hard to provide for my family. “I should earn 6-figures”. “I should work a 9-5”. “I should move up the ladder”.

Then, 2022 hit hard, and I was laid off from a job that blasted me so deeply into adrenal fatigue that I wound up taking a year off from employment to fully recover.

That year taught me something society never would - my self worth.

Twelve entire months of not chasing money, accolades, titles, promotions, permission, validation.

It wasn’t an easy breezy year of kicking my feet up and chasing butterflies. It was a brutally violent death to my ego as I disconnected my identity from my net worth.

If I did not equal my salary, what was my measure of success? Who was I? What did I bring to the table? This self-inquiry became the basis of my rediscovery process.

This was true alchemy. Shifting from survival mode and self-abandonment to embodying the deep, whole, and true belief that I was enough as I was. I no longer held the belief that I needed to “prove my worth” or “earn my keep” in a work setting.

So, exactly one year after my layoff, I re-entered the workforce with a voice so deeply drenched in self-advocacy that men started complimenting me on my boundaries.

And now, I lead from this space. Self-abandonment? I don’t know her. Ignore my body? I could never. I’ve walked away from 6-figure leadership roles, businesses I’ve co-founded, and spaces that have pinky-promised safety because my body said “nah”.

If it requires me to override my body’s innate wisdom, I will not do it. And I love serving the women who exist in this space with me. This next chapter of my career will be dedicated to amplifying their transmissions, without either of us subscribing to the “should” mentality.

Besides, “should is just could with shame on top”.

it literally started with a sunset.

In February 2024, I found myself sitting on a rock, admiring the sun as it created a glitter effect, sparkling daintily through the rain. It was my first time in California, and I was having one of the most in-flow days of my life.

Earlier that week, I had officially received a contract from the psychedelic company I had been interviewing with. Sent at 2:22pm PT. Okay, Sky Daddy 🙌

I signed it, which meant I was agreeing to quit my coveted 6-figure job in the mental health space, for a noticeable pay decrease, and no health bennies. Why, you ask?! For the simple fact that the psychedelic industry made my heart flutter, and owning my schedule as a consultant/freelancer made me feel *free*. About 6 months earlier, I set my sights on getting back into my dream industry, so here was my chance.

I reflected on this major decision while gazing into the most epic sunset I’d encountered in quite some time.

While I sat in total peace and presence, I sobbed in gratitude, thanking myself for being courageous enough to leap into a Great Unknown for the sake of the cause;

following my fuckin’ heart.

During that emotional love-fest, it all dawned on me at once. I realized I could experience moments of life-altering gratitude - frequently - if I continued to follow my fuckin’ heart. Right then and there, I vowed to let my heart take the wheel, no questions asked.

a whirlwind of goodness.

Over the next few months, my life became a treasure trove of gifts and epic experiences. I met a soul sister after buying a plane ticket on a whim (aka following my heart). I got paid to get educated in psychedelics (aka following my heart). I traveled to NYC often, sometimes all expenses paid, to spend time with my client and their employees (aka following my heart). Those trips will forever be highlight-reel memories for me.

And then my heart whispered, “more”.

It wasn’t long before “more” presented itself. A company in the psychedelic space I long admired, Tricycle Day, was looking for a Community Director.

My heart said S • T • O • P everything, and apply.

Ya girl don’t play. I immediately canceled my salon appointment schedule for that afternoon so I could commit to submitting the application. I made a Video Cover Letter to pitch myself for this role, and emailed it to the founder. 13 minutes later, I had an interview scheduled.

when ya know ya know.

I got the job, and since November, I’ve been co-creating an online community called Practice Expansion. It’s a space for psychedelic facilitators & guides to make connections and learn about business development, in a nuanced and taboo industry. I’ve had the honor of joining Henry (founder of Tricycle Day and deeply respected voice in the industry) each week as we invite our members towards transformation by providing marketing advice, integration circles, and workshops by expert speakers like Jay Fiset, Ann Hession, and Mike Zeller. It’s been a dream.

I was having a “pinch me” moment. I looked around and realized I was officially working from the front lines of the psychedelic movement.

but wait, there’s more.

Just when I thought life couldn’t get any better, another manifestation revealed itself - my dream home - the one I’d been searching for for over a year, dropped in.

And surprise surprise, saying yes to this home was another opportunity to jump into the Great Abyss of Trust. Quite a few people were puzzled by my decision to sell my home, and rent again. But what about my low ass interest rate? My equity! Shouldn’t I not pay someone else’s mortgage?! Luckily, none of these comments phased me.

My heart did not give a flying fck about an interest rate. (Note: if you’re my financial advisor and you’re reading this, no you’re not).

My heart just craved peace. And peace it found.

and as luck would have it.

The day I sold my home, I went to the bank and wrote a cashier’s check - securing both 6 months of rent and a very calm nervous system.

And don’t you know it, a few weeks later, my original psychedelic client informed me that they were ending our contract, thus cutting off my main source of income. By selling my home and prepaying my rent, I unknowingly bought myself 6 months of
~ s p a c i o u s n e s s ~ to figure out what was next.

off the beaten path.

Not long after that, a friend of mine and I decided to full send the development of a dating & community app for people in the psychedelic space. The app developers had the deposit to get started less than 2 weeks after the idea conception.

In 2.5 months, we designed, developed, and were ready to launch an app at Psychedelic Science, the largest psychedelic conference in the world.

But 2 days before we were supposed to fly to Denver to bring this baby into the world, I had the undeniable and unshakable urge to walk away from the entire project. I sat with the feeling for a day, and when the feeling didn’t subside, I knew I needed to follow my heart, once again, into uncertainty.

too many eggs in not enough baskets.

I was fully betting on the app, so I didn’t pursue additional income streams for a few months to keep my focus on building a tech startup from scratch while continuing to support Practice Expansion in the process.

And by walking away from the app, I was essentially ripping the rug out from under myself, with no back-up plan.

So I checked in with my heart. “Now what?!”, I pleaded.

I was met with deafening silence.

No direction. No inkling. No ping.

I had no clue what I was going to do next.

that’s all, folks.

That’s literally the end of this post. You’re all caught up. I’m not sure what’s next. And that’s what this Substack is for - my Rebel Heart Musings.

I do have a plan, and it’s to go slow. To read books that jump out at me. To journal often. To deepen into my feminine practice. To prioritize nature, and family, and community.

Where will my heart lead me next? Your guess is literally as good as mine.